Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Potty Power Pt. 1

We've made mention of diapers in this space on many occasions.

Specifically, we've outlined the series of events leading to diapers becoming full and the hilarity that sometimes ensues when they are.

Those funny moments notwithstanding, Mrs. Blackwell and I are ready for the show to be over. That's why this weekend we are (fingers crossed) putting the diapers away for good.

We started with a video. Three weeks later,
the boy is still singing it. To the dismay of
my co-workers, so am I. 
I was talking with my much, much older brother a while ago and he mentioned that he'd been changing diapers for the past nine years. As a father of three whose kids are spaced out a couple years in between, his math made sense. I guess I'd just never thought of it like that.

Nine years.

That's a lot of time and, with another kid on the way, it'd be nice to give our Diaper Genie a break for the next few months until our second arrives.

But getting there from here isn't simple.

Mrs. Blackwell consulted with a number of people, including her cousin-in-law who has four young kids of her own — so, she too is well acquainted with diapers and potty training.

To a person, each advised that once you take this step, you're all in — there's no going back. This is, to use a harsh analogy, jumping off a cliff without a chute.

You see, apparently once this train has left the station (another analogy for you) it can't be reversed. To do so means your stinky, smelly experiment not only failed but, left your child confused.

There's all kinds of repercussions here outside of the very real, gross ones. It's not a stretch to see how baffling it might be for a child to endure days of soiled clothing and (god forbid, furniture), only to turn around and have diapers slapped right back on them.

And the results of this head-spinning odyssey?

Aside from completing the first few lengths of your paving project to Hell, you've potentially sentenced your child to a life of seclusion and collecting potato chips that look like celebrities.

So, you embark upon this journey knowing that there's no going back, no matter how long it takes to reach success — which is strangely marked by the whooshing sound of a toilet's flush.
The eternal question. 

But, even if you are successful, how long is this journey?

So glad you asked.

The child and toddler experts (and they're all experts) I've tracked down have made life easy for all of us by providing completely conflicting reports ranging from three days to six months. 

So, when the three-day mark passes and you're — once again — apologizing to your child's daycare, you can relax knowing that your ordeal could be over any day now, or in six months.

Whichever comes first.

It's been another theme in this space for me to point out how often so-called experts are downright wrong.

Here again, we're forced to grapple with this same reality, which is that no one knows anything.

With that in mind, go ahead and shelve the diapers but, you might want to keep a few handy just in case there's an accident between now and next Christmas.

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