|The second smartest Marge I know.|
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Good - Giddy - Grief
"Folks think, 'Oh, you just get pregnant and nine months later you have a baby. Simple as that.' HAH!" - Marge, office administrator at our OBGYN's office.
I began writing this blog to hopefully give my friends and family a laugh as my wife goes through pregnancy and I go through whatever you call what the father goes through.
Ultimately there's been far more seriousness than I'd ever anticipated. Lots of tears and tons of confusion. Who knew bringing life into the world was serious business?
This revelation aside, Mrs. Blackwell and I will be changing nothing, thank you very much. There will be no shrinking away from our friends and our family as we pull the curtains and solemnly retreat into a state of angst. No thanks.
As it turns out, grief and giddy excitement aren't mutually exclusive. Mrs. Blackwell and I got a preview of this lesson early on.
Just moments after we learned we were having twin boys, we were told there might be complications. There were problems and there have been since.
But, there is nothing unique about this.
In talking with friends and family, it's been made abundantly apparent to us that many folks have had tough, tough times on their way to parenthood.
I have a friend whose pregnant wife was told by a tech that they couldn't find her baby's heartbeat, and was then sent home before being evaluated again the next day when another tech found the heartbeat. I have another loved one whose baby boy died at just two months old.
Miscarriages. Death. Surgeries in the womb. Scares. False alarms. All part of the experience as it turns out.
Newly pregnant couples often are told not to tell folks about their pregnancy until the 12-week mark. Smart advice I suppose. It's a good way to avoid the pain of having to share a loss should one occur. But, with that date miles behind us when we learned we were having twins - and surgery - we weren't sure what exactly to do. We quickly decided not to let fear prevail and to tell people.
We embraced the possible and all that came with it - including the bad. Well, we got our dose of bad but we're sure not alone.
Hope persists and, fingers crossed, will prevail.